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News about PSCC, articles, and opinions written by our staff

Marvel Gets Ready for The Weeknd

By Amanda Rossenrode

I have to admit guys, The Weeknd is steadily earning my admiration. First off, his single, “I Can’t Feel My Face” has been scientifically proven to be impossible not to dance to. It was on for a month straight last year and I’m still not sick of it. It came on the while I was waiting in line at CVS and all the panhandlers, old people and confused tourists were magically transformed into sexy club extras, grinding in a well-choreographed manner. “Starboy” always puts me in mind of PSCC Year One, because you could not get in the car without hearing it at that time. If The Weeknd puts out one more hit I like I may be willing to legally download his album. That’s saying a lot, since no one has paid for music since 2006. Plus –I just figured out that a lot of his songs have double meanings. I’m not kidding! I haven’t quite figured out what they are –jelly beans or maybe crosswalk safety –but I’m pretty sure there’s some hidden messages in those radio friendly lyrics.

He announced at New York Comic Con on Saturday that he is teaming up with Marvel to do a comic based on the Starboy character. What this comic is about is unclear, the cover shows the Weeknd or Starboy minus a smoldering sleeve, so I’m figuring the importance of fire safety. Now, originally I thought the hit single was titled “Star Lord”, in tribute to Chris Pratt. There should be more tribute songs for Chris Pratt, I wrote one for him but his lawyers have strongly suggested I stop sending him copies of it. For clues on what this comic may be about, I Googled the lyrics for the properly titled “Starboy”, and here’s what I found out.

My first crushing disappointment was that there is not a Skinny Pete reference in the song. I always thought there was a shout out to Breaking Bad’s comedy duo, Skinny Pete and Badger, a light note in a show about cooking meth and poisoning children. It hit me hard, as though someone told me Santa wasn’t real. I was slightly mollified by The Weeknd’s proud declaration of his dorkism by not only making a Star Trek reference but a Brad Pitt/Legends of the Fall reference. For those of you without access to TNT at 4 a.m., Legends of the Fall was an absurd Brad Pitt movie your mom likes where he fights a bear. And Anthony Hopkins. It’s not easy to burn an opponent with a reference to the domestic box office sales of a 1994 period piece starring Sir Anthony Hopkins, and in a rap song about a comic book about a Starboy, no less. Once again, my admiration rises for you The Weeknd.

Now, it’s not clear from the song what purpose Starboy serves, whether good or evil or neutral. He makes it perfectly clear, however, that he is not to be messed with, in what initially comes off as a goofy lyric but becomes terrifying when you think about it:

I'm in the blue Mulsanne bumping New Edition”.

Now, we all like New Edition. It is also scientifically proven that one cannot listen to “Candy Girl” without dancing. And not “Sexy The Weeknd Dancing”, I'm talking dorky eighth- grade pseudo roller-rink dancing. If you meet an individual that can be straight-faced and intimidating while blasting “Candy Girl” –well that might be the last song you’re going to hear. It’s like Mr. Blonde rolling up on you blaring The Spice Girls’ “Wannabe”. Get the hell out of there.

The rest of the song bears little information as to what the character might be about, despite distressed about lack of appropriate home décor, generously offering a centerpiece. But then, The Weeknd is a master of the double entendre and metaphors tend to go over my head. So I checked out the video for further clues.

 This explains everything.

This explains everything.

The video reminds us that The Weeknd has a voice like imported honey wrapped in rare silk. Some jerk puts a plastic back over his head for undisclosed reasons. We find that this jerk is The Weeknd’s presumable alter ego, Starboy. So, either The Weeknd is evil or Starboy is. Good or evil, he’s got some pretty sweet zip up gloves and proceeds to smash the crap out of this swanky, centerpiece devoid apartment with a crucifix/lightsaber that Daft Punk found on the Sexy-Time Tattoine planet from the “I Feel it Coming” video. Hm… So now we know Daft Punk is involved in this mystery. Never trust a man that refuses to take off his motorcycle helmet for three decades. Starboy manages to keep dancing the entire time he wreaks havoc on this dimly lit penthouse, which is something I intend to do the next time I revenge smash with a neon intergalactic crucifix (like Kevin Bacon, I’m an angry dancer). Also he has a panther sidekick, which is pretty awesome.

 Whatever the hell this is, I'm in.

Whatever the hell this is, I'm in.

Alright. You sold me The Weeknd. I have absolutely no idea what this comic is going to be about, but I would totally read it. You had me at “Daft Punk might have to fight a panther sidekick”. Thanks for still making videos by the way. I’m going to legally download your album while listening to Homework, you talented bastards.

Now here’s The Weeknd playing with some puppies.

 If this picture was any cuter you would DIE!!

If this picture was any cuter you would DIE!!

 So, Del Taco after?

So, Del Taco after?

Amanda RossenrodeComment